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It has been a week since my beloved Al died and I just cannot believe he will never be home again. I walk this large house aimlessly, I go through his things smelling every shirt to catch his scent, I sit where he sat in the living room, I sit in his place at the table, I try to find him in every corner. I cannot hear his voice; I cannot see him walk in the door; I cannot find him and yet he is everywhere. His little Spangle goes from room to room, she looks dejected as she cannot find him either and is so confused; we are now sisters in grief. <\/strong><\/font><\/p>\n He always did the grocery shopping because he thought I always spent too much money; true that. I am out of everything and yet I cannot make myself go to the store. Last night after going to the pharmacy to stop his prescriptions being automatically refilled, I went to Bob Evans and sat at the booth where we last sat. I looked at a couple across the aisle and knew that I would never again be part of a couple again. I walked out with such a heavy heart and cried all the way home. I am a strong woman and I am functioning enough to pay bills and do the dog and household chores. Some of my dogs are at the farm with my niece and nephew and will come home after I judge this weekend. Judging and any showing I do will be a special challenge as was always here so I could leave. I think of the most stupid things like who will take me to the airport and pick my up; who will make the salads at dinner; who will make my morning tea; who will read the paper to me and make me watch CNN or the awful Judge Judy whom he watched daily; who will hold me when I need to be held; who will put me first and love me unconditionally as I love him. Who be the other half that makes the whole?<\/strong><\/font><\/p>\n I have known for a long time that I would lose Al; he has battled one kind of cancer or another for nearly twenty years. Yet, now I just cannot believe that he is gone, I can now empathize with every woman who has found herself or will find herself in the position that I am now in. I never understood the depth of the loss of one\u2019s spouse before and now sadly I do. <\/strong><\/font><\/p>\n <\/strong><\/font><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" It has been a week since my beloved Al died and I just cannot believe he will never be home again. I walk this large house aimlessly, I go through his things smelling every shirt to catch his scent, I sit where he sat in the living room, I sit in his place at […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[29],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/rattlebridge.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/723"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/rattlebridge.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/rattlebridge.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rattlebridge.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rattlebridge.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=723"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/rattlebridge.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/723\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/rattlebridge.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=723"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rattlebridge.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=723"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rattlebridge.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=723"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}