Forwarded by a friend:

Political Humor Not Really Funny

Sometime this year,  we taxpayers will again receive another ‘Economic Stimulus’ Payment.  This is indeed a very exciting program,  and I’ll explain it by using a Q & A format:

Q.   What is an ‘Economic Stimulus’ payment ?

A.   It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q.   Where will the government get this money ?

A.   From taxpayers.

Q.   So the government is giving me back my own money ?

A.   Only a smidgen of it.

Q.   What is the purpose of this payment ?

A.   The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set,  thus stimulating the economy.

Q.   But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China ?

A .   Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:       

    *  If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart,  the money will go to China or Sri Lanka .
    *  If you spend it on gasoline,  your money will go to the Arabs.

    *  If you purchase a computer,  it will go to India , Taiwan or China

*  If you purchase fruit and vegetables,  it will go to Mexico ,  Honduras and Guatemala .

    *  If you buy an efficient  car,  it will go to Japan or Korea . 

    *  If  you purchase useless stuff,  it will go to Taiwan .

    *  If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock,  it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead,  keep the money in America by:

1)  Spending it at yard sales,  or     

2)  Going to ball games,  or   

3)  Spending it on prostitutes,  or     

4)  Beer or     

5) Tattoos.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.)

Conclusion:

Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day !

Works for me!

 

From a fellow breeder who is as worried as I am about the animal rights agenda and all the anti dog and anti breeding legislation being introduced or passed:

“One generation and out. We have no problems with the extinction of domestic animals. They are creations of human selective breeding.” Wayne Pacelle, CEO, Humane Society of the United States.

Please do not donate money to an organization that aims at eliminating all animal use in our country. They are NOT a Humane Society; they do not own or operate ONE pet shelter in the US, and they are NOT a national organization that “oversees” our hard-working local shelters. 

 

The HSUS has nothing to do with animal welfare except where it must show up to prove that it is all for animal welfare for publicity sake.  The donations sent to the HSUS are spent on lobbying for its own agenda which has to do with, in Pacelle’a own words: “the extinction of domestic animals.”  I don’t know about you, but I do not think I would like to spend my remaining years without the companionship and devotion of my dogs and cat (or my horse now that I am riding again).  I do not know how I would do without a dog to love.   Meredith              

“Freedom  is never more than one generation away from extinction.. We  didn’t pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must  be fought  for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our  children and our children’s children what it was once like  in the United States where men were free.” —–Ronald Reagan  
  

 

The following photo shows Al’s grandson Darren showing off his big trophy from the Richwood, Ohio, county fair. Darren has been in 4H for several years. Darren showed pygmy goats and did a wonderful project of a wooden carved fish wall decoration. He won the trophy for his work on an environmental project.  We are very proud of him.

 

I just can’t help myself . . .

AN ITALIAN BOY’S CONFESSION

‘Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose girl’.

The priest asks, ‘Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?’

‘Yes, Father, it is.’

‘And who was the girl you were with?’

‘I can’t tell you, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation’.

“Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as
well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?’

‘I cannot say.’

‘Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?’

‘I’ll never tell.’

‘Was it Gina Capelli?’

‘I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.’

‘Was it Cathy Piriano?’

‘My lips are sealed.’

‘Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?’

‘Please, Father, I cannot tell you.’

The priest sighs in frustration.
‘You’re very tight lipped, and I admire that.
But you’ve sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months.
Now you go and behave yourself..’

Joey walks back to his pew,
and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, ‘What’d you get ?’

‘Four months vacation and five good leads.’

From the AKC:

Monday, October 12, 2009]

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has vetoed Assembly Bill 241 which would have prohibited any person or entity from having 50 or more intact dogs or cats. He returned the bill with the following veto message:

To the Members of the California State Assembly:

I am returning Assembly Bill 241 without my signature. This measure would make it a crime for any person or entity to own or control more than 50 unsterilized adult dogs or cats for breeding or raising for sale as pets. I support measures designed to prevent animal cruelty and that punish persons engaged in the abuse of animals. However, this measure simply goes too far in an attempt to address the serious problem of puppy mills. An arbitrary cap on the number of animals any entity can possess throughout the state will not end unlawful, inhumane breeding practices. Instead this measure has the potential to criminalize the lawful activities of reputable breeders, pet stores, kennels, and charitable organizations engaged in raising service and assistance dogs.

For these reasons, I am unable to sign this bill.

The American Kennel Club Government Relations department opposed this bill throughout the legislative process, sending letters to the author and committee members, as well as alerting our California breeders to the impacts of AB 241. A letter was sent to Governor Schwarzenegger requesting a veto and we are pleased that he saw the same problems with this bill that we did. AKC sincerely thanks all the clubs, responsible pet owners and breeders who took the time to educate their legislators and Governor Schwarzenegger about the potential impacts of this bill.

 

In the continued war against those who would take our rights to own and breed dogs away, the Louisville Kennel Club sued Louisville/Jefferson County Metro Government against the legislation which would affect dog shows, owning dogs, breeding dogs, and all dog related activities.  Those that owned altered dogs did not have to obey the requirements imposed on unaltered. A few years ago many of us were afraid to show at the Louisville Kennel Dog shows in March fearing that our dogs would be targeted. The following is from the AKC website:

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Late Friday, United States District Court Judge Charles R. Simpson, III, of the Western District of Kentucky issued his decision in the case of the Louisville Kennel Club, Inc. v. Louisville/Jefferson County Metro Government. A significant victory for the Louisville Kennel Club, the judge’s decision features two key rulings that may also prove to be of great importance for dog owners nationwide.

First, Judge Simpson held that there was no rational basis why owners of unaltered dogs should be treated differently than the owners of altered dogs. This declared the part of the ordinance that required owners of unaltered dogs to get the Director’s written approval for those dogs’ enclosures (owners of altered dogs did not have such a requirement) as an unconstitutional violation of Equal Protection and Substantive Due Process.

Reiterating another court’s earlier decision that recognized that dogs are personal property, the judge further held Louisville’s seizure bond requirement as an unconstitutional violation of procedural due process rules. This requirement, which required anyone accused of animal cruelty to post bond for the care of their seized animals, would have resulted in the forfeiture of animals if they were not able to pay for the bond regardless of whether or not they were later determined to be innocent.

“We congratulate the Louisville Kennel Club and their co-plaintiffs on their leadership in opposing the Louisville ordinance,” said Dennis Sprung, President and CEO of the American Kennel Club. “We are confident that this decision will encourage communities to consider the interests of responsible dog breeders and owners when making changes to their animal ordinances.”

Keep up with all dog related legislation at the AKC website: AKC.org

For more information, contact AKC’s Government Relations Department at (919) 816-3720, or e-mail doglaw@akc.org.

A woman brought a  very limp duck into a veterinary  surgeon.  As she  laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and  listened to the bird’s chest.

After a  moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, “I’m so sorry,  your Duck Cuddles has passed away.”

The distressed owner wailed, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I  am sure. The duck is dead,” he replied.

“How can  you be so sure,” she protested.

“I mean,  you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a  coma or something.”

The vet rolled his eyes,  turned around and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a  black Labrador retriever. As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement,  the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination  table and sniffed the duck from top to  bottom.

He then looked at the vet  with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it  out, and returned a few moments later with a cat.

The cat jumped up on the  table and also sniffed delicately at the bird from head to foot. The cat  sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out  of the room.

The vet looked at the woman  and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100%  certifiably, a dead duck.”

Then the vet turned to his  computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed  to the woman.

The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill.”$150!” she cried, “$150 just to  tell me my duck is dead?!!”

The vet  shrugged. “I’m sorry. If you’d taken my word for it, the bill would have  been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now  $150.00.”

And . . .

 

“THE BLOND AND THE COW”

A blond city girl named Amy marries a Colorado rancher.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy:

‘The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow’s stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?’

The rancher leaves for the fields. After awhile, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.

Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when Amy sees the nail, she tells him, ‘This is the one right here.’

The man, assuming he is dealing with an air head blond, asks, ‘Tell me lady, ’cause I’m dying to know; how would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?’

‘That’s simple,” she said. “By the nail that’s over its stall,’ she explains very confidently.

Laughing rudely at her, the man says, ‘And what, pray tell, is the nail for?

The blond turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder,

‘I guess it’s to hang your pants on.’

( It’s nice to see a blond winning once in awhile.)

Now I warned you I had a very odd sense of humor–not my fault, but the fault of all my daffy friends who keep sending this stuff to me!

 

While Al was visiting his brother in upstate New York, I somehow held the fort down being ill the whole time. No it was not Al sickness, although I did miss him; it was some weird digestive problem which had exhausted from a heaviness in my gut and just general feeling of unwell, that I got nothing done but taking care of dogs as quickly as I could and just sleeping the rest of time.  I could not pass my bed without crawling into it.  Still not up to full energy. Last night Al and I had a very romantic date at a sleep clinic; I was reevaluated as I have been on a CPac for several years now, but this was Al’s first evaluation.  I have kept telling him he had a problem, but no–just as he did not have a problem when he hit his very hard head on a rock last fall only to have emergency brain surgery for a rather large, soupy clot and fresh bleeding in February. So I just made this appointment and dragged him in.  I am doing fine, still need the CPac but doing fine. My darling husband, on the other hand, has severe sleep apnea–he stopped breathing for almost a minute several times.  So we will both soon be making beautiful music with our CPacs.  I am writing about this as sleep apnea causes all sorts of different symptoms: depression, irritability (you go, Al), fatigue (that’s me) to name a few, and can lead to or exacerbate high blood pressure, heart disease, diabetics, and the list goes on. So if you have any inkling that you may have apnea, usually loud snoring is a sure sign, see your doctor and go through a sleep clinic.  That is Dr. M’s word for today.

 

It has been awhile since I have written about what is going on here at Rattlebridge.  Well, let’s start with our rescue horses.  Shotzi is biting and I mean biting hard. She got my nephew in his arm but good.  So I, the expert, went up yesterday after having been away for a couple of weeks on and off judging (saving this for the next post).  Mind you Shotzi and Buttercup just returned to the farm after having been off to boot camp for a month ensuring that they are fine tuned as my nephew and niece were going to start riding.  I was going to teach Annie to ride on Shotzi and probably Melissa also. Melissa is here to attend Ohio Wesleyan University; she lives in the dorm but is here quite a bit playing with puppies. Melissa has not ridden since the last time I put her on a horse when she was twelve.  After she fell off, she swore off horses forever but has been reconsidering.  So I began saddling Shotzi up and she promptly tried to eat me.  She is lucky that I didn’t eat her.  Every time I began to adjust the saddle, she flattened her ears,whipped her head around and tried to nail me.  I lunged her with no problem and unsaddled her after giving her such an evil eye that she behaved.  So now we have a problem.  We need a companion for Buttercup but we also need a safe horse for all concerned. Nothing is ever easy.  Now as to my dream horse,Stanley:  Stanley has been lulling us into a sense of trusting his overall demeanor, kind eye and acceptance of training.  Well, he has been lying in wait.  With his confidence being built by his training, he has begun to assert himself but good.  He has tried to run me over, our wonderful trainer over, and head butted her so badly she wound up in urgent care.  So since the rescue organization from where we got these two horses, no fault of theirs is full, we are in, as usual, another dilemma.  Perhaps my dream of riding again is not the great idea I thought it was. Oh, well, until next time.

please God let him learn to sweep floors!!