It has been awhile since I have written about my present life without Al. He has been gone for two months today and I feel his loss more intensely now than I did when I was  busy with all the details before and after his death. I am in a thirteen week Grief Share group at my church; I am also seeing a grief counselor and am going to a monthly grief group. I am writing these details of what I am doing to perhaps help someone else with grief.  I am continuously told that grief is a personal process; people grieve in different ways.  Several people in my group have lost a child,husband, sister.  Some are still struggling long after their loss.  For some the grief never ends although the pain recedes.

I am taking over Al’s chores which he wisely prohibited me from doing, but I have conquered the zero turn John Deere after zigzagging across the yard.  I have been shown how to run the big snow blower that we bought last year when Al had the bright idea of finally getting one; I had told him we needed one for two years, but no—it had to be his idea!  The weed whacker is impossible.  Al bought it for my birthday last year; it was not the one I wanted but I did not want to hurt his feelings so it just hangs in the garage. We have a big generator that keeps appliances and lights going, but it is just a big red blob in the garage to me.  I have no idea how to run it; I remember Al making many trips to get gas, diesel, or kerosene (how would I know!) to run it, but will really need it if we get the paralyzing snow and ice storm we got two years ago. 

So many things to worry about, but nothing compares to the hole in my daily life.  Al and my favorite television show was “House.” He watched it and “NCIS” religiously and the reruns ad nauseum.  I tried to watch the premiers of House and NCIS this week and could not do it for I would have no one with whom to chat about the programs. A
l least I am no longer subjected to a daily dose of  “Judge Judy.” It seems as if all the threads of al life together tattered.  Oh, well, enough of my musings. 

I am excited about a few of  last year’s puppies that are all about a year old.  I think they are all very pleasing to the eye with wonderful personalities, but have no idea if I will get them into the show ring as I must be careful with finances now.  I am so attached to them that I would have great difficulty putting them in show homes at this point.  If I can I may try to show them this fall, but even showing them depends on what condition my orthopedics are in at the time.  Pictures will be posted later but their names are the blenheim boy Rattlebridge Over the Hump (Humphrey); the tri girl Rattlebridge Tantalize;  the darling five month old blenheim girl Rattlebridge Sarandon (Suzie); the blenheim boy Rattlebridge Cyber Dawn and his brother and sister that live with my friend and co breeder Sherri Meyer:  Rattlebridge The Dawnald and Rattlebridge Dawnatella. Quite a crew and we will see how all shakes down as they grow up. We have not bred for awhile but now have two litters, mostly boys; of tricolors.  I do so want a good tricolor boy—one that would gaze at me like my beloved Bandi did. 

Later . . .

 

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