Now, Ladies, don’t get any ideas . . .

How to Get Away with Murder:

Dear  Tide:

I  am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I’ve used it all of my  married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my  fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some  red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative   to  my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came
out! In fact, the  stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that  the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and  said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my  husband.

What  a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great  product.

Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people.

Ronda

The Donkey

One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well.

The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone’s amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing.
He would shake it off and take a step up..

As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well, and happily trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

Free your heart from hatred – Forgive.
Free your mind from worries – Most never happen.
Live simply and appreciate what you have.
Give more.
Expect less.

NOW ……. Enough of that crap. The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

MORAL FROM TODAY’S LESSON:

When you try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.

 

The Dog Gave It Away

I GOT STOPPED FOR SPEEDING YESTERDAY.

I THOUGHT I COULD TALK MY WAY OUT OF IT UNTIL THE OFFICER LOOKED AT MY DOG IN THE BACK SEAT . . .

 

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