My good friend Roxy Hayes sent me this gem:

 

Do not leave alcohol near your pumpkins:

 

Only In Ireland:

As the plain approached Dublin number 1 runway, the tower heard from the cockpit:

PILOT – Bejeesus will ya look how bloody shart dat runway is?

CO-PILOT – Yer nat bloody kiddin, Paddy

PILOT – Dis is ganna be one a de trickiest landings ever, Shamus!
CO-PILOT – Yer nat bloody kiddin, Paddy !!

PILOT – Right, Shamus, when I say ‘go’ put de engine in reverse!!
CO-PILOT – Royt, I’ll do dat !!

PILOT – An den ya put de flaps down!!

CO-PILOT – Royt, I’ll do dat, too !!

PILOT – An den stamp an de brakes as hard as yer can an pray ta de
Holy Mudder a Gad !!!

CO-PILOT – I’m prayin already, but I’ll hit de brakes as hard as I can.

So, as the wheels hit the ground, Shamus put the engines in reverse,
puts the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and continued to pray to the Holy Mother with all his soul. The brakes screeched, the tyres squealed,and there was smoke everywhere, but, to the relief of all the passengers, and, not least of all, Paddy and Shamus, the aircraft came to a stop a few meters from the end of the runway!!!

As Paddy and Shamus sat in the cockpit regaining some composure,

Paddy looked out of the window and said to Shamus, “Dat has gat ta be de shartist bloody runway in de world!”

Shamus replied, “Yes, but da ya see how bloody  wide it is?

 

 

Blazer, pictured above, is a fifteen and one half hand gorgeous five year old Morgan gelding of really excellent bloodlines.  

Blazer’s sire 

Blazer is everything that Stanley did not turn out to be.  He was a show horse until he got kicked in the hock in the field as surmised by his  former owner and expert trainer, Danielle Pauvfe, who works and competes for the Misty Meadows Morgan farm in Connecticut.  Danielle shows very competitively at the highest levels. While Blazer’s surgery at Cornell University fixed his hock so he is sound; it would be unwise to put him through the stress of intense competition and so he came to me. He is five years old and beautifully and thoroughly trained. He has a big heart and spirit yet is perfectly mannered and just the right horse for me. He would have been the perfect horse for me twenty years ago when I rode constantly without all my orthopedic difficulties.  In just four times riding him (pix below) including two lessons to make sure I have not forgotten how to ride in the five years since I have ridden. Mind you, five years ago before replaced knees, steel plate in neck, and a very problematic lower back, I was galloping barebacked across the field on my old Morgan mare who we had to put down for old age.  I am told that my form and seat are intact and horses and riding have been a very important part of my life since childhood.

My friend Mary Ellen Holcomb, quite a rider herself having won the world championship last year on a Friesian, has looked for a retired or retiring top drawer horse for me for some time from an owner that did not want to sell a horse but place a horse just as I do with my retired Cavaliers.  Sometimes unless you place or adopt a horse out with an ironclad agreement that the horse will come back to the former owner, a horse buyer can just sell a horse on without the horse winding up in the best of circumstances.  I sent Stanley back to the rescue organization where I found him. I do not sell horses on, but find places for them where they will be safe and secure. If I could ever not keep Blazer, I have promised and signed a contract that he will go back to Danielle just as I have done with new owners of my beloved retirees who deserve their own pillows and places of honor away from the young hooligans and other retired dogs here. Al and I have always done what is best for the dog although our hearts may break when one of our beloved dogs leave.  Anyway, I have digressed as usual in my ADD fashion.

Mary Ellen had lined up a couple of horses for me in the past but things did not work out.  God was just making me wait for this horse to canter into my life. Through Mary Ellen’s efforts and Danielle’s extreme kindness, Blazer journeyed from Connecticut to Ohio three weeks ago with Mary Ellen and her husband Jimmy.  I am grateful beyond words. Of course, Mary Ellen and Jimmy journeyed back to Connecticut with a tri girl puppy called Lexi and one of my beloved retirees who had fallen in love with Mary Ellen on sight. The right person always comes along for the right dog and the dog always knows who that person is!! With a kiss goodbye, my ruby girl said goodbye to me knowing she will see me again and happily sashayed out the door with eyes on only Mary Ellen without looking back! That is just the way it should be!

Well I could have helped our horse pack his bag, attached a GPS and headed him toward Connecticut yesterday!!!  Darling Blazer has become quite taken with me I am told; both trainers and instructors tell me the horse actually loves me which I know is pure flattery, but nice to hear.  The visiting dressage instructor who gave me a lesson yesterday did say that he loves me and takes care of me while riding him.  We are practicing our diagonals which means if I am on the wrong diagonal while trotting I need to sit my fat ass down for two beats hoping to rise on the correct diagonal. Posting to diagonal changes can be very hard and give many riders a lot of trouble. We are cantering now on my fourth  time on his back and the barn crowd, especially my trainer, instructor, and friend, Kristin Hassen, seems to think I am doing exceedingly well for an old broad with lots of metal in her.  Of course, I have an amazing horse–the envy of the barn especially all the teenaged girls who treat him like a rock star. Oh, Blazer, they sigh!

Blazer is not all that he seems however.  I wear a pair of diamond earrings that I have worn constantly for over 30 years. At a time I had given up on men (didn’t last long enough, should have gone into the convent), I bought these studs for myself having been disappointed in the human kind.  My joining up with the feminists one might say.  Now, Blazer, whom I am told loves me you see, nibbles ever so seductively on my face, my neck, my hair and my earrings.  Have you ever tried to find a diamond stud on the floor of a horse stall.  I was in high gear while lowly crawling around on the floor wailing to St. Anthony to once more save my ass–in this case my earring– as the thought of Blazer swallowing it resulting in my picking through a mountain of turds did not sit well.  St. Anthony has never failed me, but this time he made sure I had crawled the length and breadth of the stall before allowing said earring to reveal itself.  So my earring is back on my ear and Blazer still laughing at me in his stall just waiting for me to stick my neck out again for his caresses this time sans earrings.  I do so love this boy!!!

Until next time . . .

Always Irish of course:

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, “Father, my dog is dead. Could ye’ be saying’ a Mass for the poor creature?”

Father Patrick replied, ‘I’m afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there’s no tellin’ what they believe. Maybe they’ll do something for the poor creature.”

Muldoon said, ‘I’ll go right away Father. Do ye think$5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?”

Father Patrick exclaimed, “Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus!
Why didn’t ye tell me the dog was Catholic?”

REVENGE ON THE TELEMARKETER

Three Little Words That Work!!

(1) The three little words: ‘Hold On, Please…’
Saying this, while putting down your phone and walking off ( instead of hanging-up immediately) would make each telemarketing call so much more time-consuming that boiler room sales would grind to a halt.

Then when you eventually hear BT’s ‘beep-beep-beep’ tone, you know it’s time to go back and hang up your handset ….. you have efficiently completed your task.
These three little words could help eliminate telephone soliciting.

(2) Do you ever get those annoying phone calls with no one on the other end?

This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes phone calls and record s the time of day when a person answers the phone.

This technique is then used to determine the best time of day for a ‘real’ salesperson to call back and get someone at home.
What you can do after answering: If you notice there is no one there, is to immediately start hitting your # button on the phone, 6 or 7 times, as quickly as possible. This confuses the machine that dialled the call and it kicks your number out of their system. Gosh, what a shame not to have your name in their system any longer!!!

3: When you get those ‘pre-approved’ letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and similar type junk, do not throw away the return envelope.

Most of these come with postage-prepaid return envelopes, right?
It costs them more than the regular postage ‘IF’ and when they are returned. It costs them nothing if you throw them away! In that case, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little, postage-prepaid return envelopes.

Send an advert for your local chimney sweeper to American Express … they might need one!
Send a pizza coupon to HSBC … in case their canteen packs up. You get the idea. If you didn’t get anything else that day, then just send them back their blank application form ….. after all, it is their form!

If you want to remain anonymous, just make sure your name isn’t on anything you return.

You can even send the envelope back empty if you want to just to keep them guessing! It still costs them, and it is their envelope after all .. you are just returning it!!!!

The banks and credit card companies are currently getting a lot of their own junk back in the post, but folks ….. we need to OVERWHELM them, in order to stop them.

Let’s let them know what it’s like to get lots of junk mail, and best of all they’re paying for it … Twice!

Let’s help keep Royal Mail busy. Since the Royal Mail are saying that e-mail is cutting into their business profits, let’s help them so they will not need to increase postage costs again. You get the idea!

If enough people follow these tips, it will work —- maybe you’ll get very little junk mail anymore.

THIS JUST MIGHT BE ONE E-MAIL THAT YOU WILL WANT TO FORWARD TO YOUR FRIENDS!!!!!!!

 

Forwarded by a friend:

Political Humor Not Really Funny

Sometime this year,  we taxpayers will again receive another ‘Economic Stimulus’ Payment.  This is indeed a very exciting program,  and I’ll explain it by using a Q & A format:

Q.   What is an ‘Economic Stimulus’ payment ?

A.   It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q.   Where will the government get this money ?

A.   From taxpayers.

Q.   So the government is giving me back my own money ?

A.   Only a smidgen of it.

Q.   What is the purpose of this payment ?

A.   The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set,  thus stimulating the economy.

Q.   But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China ?

A .   Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:       

    *  If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart,  the money will go to China or Sri Lanka .
    *  If you spend it on gasoline,  your money will go to the Arabs.

    *  If you purchase a computer,  it will go to India , Taiwan or China

*  If you purchase fruit and vegetables,  it will go to Mexico ,  Honduras and Guatemala .

    *  If you buy an efficient  car,  it will go to Japan or Korea . 

    *  If  you purchase useless stuff,  it will go to Taiwan .

    *  If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock,  it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead,  keep the money in America by:

1)  Spending it at yard sales,  or     

2)  Going to ball games,  or   

3)  Spending it on prostitutes,  or     

4)  Beer or     

5) Tattoos.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.)

Conclusion:

Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day !

Works for me!

 

From a fellow breeder who is as worried as I am about the animal rights agenda and all the anti dog and anti breeding legislation being introduced or passed:

“One generation and out. We have no problems with the extinction of domestic animals. They are creations of human selective breeding.” Wayne Pacelle, CEO, Humane Society of the United States.

Please do not donate money to an organization that aims at eliminating all animal use in our country. They are NOT a Humane Society; they do not own or operate ONE pet shelter in the US, and they are NOT a national organization that “oversees” our hard-working local shelters. 

 

The HSUS has nothing to do with animal welfare except where it must show up to prove that it is all for animal welfare for publicity sake.  The donations sent to the HSUS are spent on lobbying for its own agenda which has to do with, in Pacelle’a own words: “the extinction of domestic animals.”  I don’t know about you, but I do not think I would like to spend my remaining years without the companionship and devotion of my dogs and cat (or my horse now that I am riding again).  I do not know how I would do without a dog to love.   Meredith              

“Freedom  is never more than one generation away from extinction.. We  didn’t pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must  be fought  for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our  children and our children’s children what it was once like  in the United States where men were free.” —–Ronald Reagan  
  

 

The following photo shows Al’s grandson Darren showing off his big trophy from the Richwood, Ohio, county fair. Darren has been in 4H for several years. Darren showed pygmy goats and did a wonderful project of a wooden carved fish wall decoration. He won the trophy for his work on an environmental project.  We are very proud of him.

 

I just can’t help myself . . .

AN ITALIAN BOY’S CONFESSION

‘Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose girl’.

The priest asks, ‘Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?’

‘Yes, Father, it is.’

‘And who was the girl you were with?’

‘I can’t tell you, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation’.

“Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as
well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?’

‘I cannot say.’

‘Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?’

‘I’ll never tell.’

‘Was it Gina Capelli?’

‘I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.’

‘Was it Cathy Piriano?’

‘My lips are sealed.’

‘Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?’

‘Please, Father, I cannot tell you.’

The priest sighs in frustration.
‘You’re very tight lipped, and I admire that.
But you’ve sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months.
Now you go and behave yourself..’

Joey walks back to his pew,
and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, ‘What’d you get ?’

‘Four months vacation and five good leads.’

From the AKC:

Monday, October 12, 2009]

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has vetoed Assembly Bill 241 which would have prohibited any person or entity from having 50 or more intact dogs or cats. He returned the bill with the following veto message:

To the Members of the California State Assembly:

I am returning Assembly Bill 241 without my signature. This measure would make it a crime for any person or entity to own or control more than 50 unsterilized adult dogs or cats for breeding or raising for sale as pets. I support measures designed to prevent animal cruelty and that punish persons engaged in the abuse of animals. However, this measure simply goes too far in an attempt to address the serious problem of puppy mills. An arbitrary cap on the number of animals any entity can possess throughout the state will not end unlawful, inhumane breeding practices. Instead this measure has the potential to criminalize the lawful activities of reputable breeders, pet stores, kennels, and charitable organizations engaged in raising service and assistance dogs.

For these reasons, I am unable to sign this bill.

The American Kennel Club Government Relations department opposed this bill throughout the legislative process, sending letters to the author and committee members, as well as alerting our California breeders to the impacts of AB 241. A letter was sent to Governor Schwarzenegger requesting a veto and we are pleased that he saw the same problems with this bill that we did. AKC sincerely thanks all the clubs, responsible pet owners and breeders who took the time to educate their legislators and Governor Schwarzenegger about the potential impacts of this bill.