Sent from on of my friends who has nothing better to do than forward stuff and I have nothing better to do than blog (not true, just procrastinating)

The following questions were asked in last year’s GED examination.
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds’)………… My brilliant editorial comments are in red

AND THEY WILL REPRODUCE!!! AND PROBABLY BECOME POLITICIANS OR AT LEAST WORK IN GOVERNMENT

In fact I may have had their parents or grandparents in school! And I did try!

Q. Name the four seasons.
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants
like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. (love this one!!! at least dead dogs were not mentioned)

Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to
flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature
abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight. (nature abhors a vacuum on the moon yet??)

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist upon?
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election. (or in the case of our presidents, governors, presidential candidates etc. wins an election)

Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.(Shoot yourself now, there
is little hope.)

Q.. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. (At
least they get to travel!)

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So
true!)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death.

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow. (very, very dangerous procedure)

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow. (Simple, but brilliant.)

Q How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized? (e.g. The abdomen.)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the
heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E,
I,O,U    (at least this kid learned the vowel sounds in school!)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie. (This person has a career in politics awaiting!)

Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean?
A. Nearby.

Q What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. (That would
work.)

Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Cesarean section’.
A. The Cesarean section is a district in Rome. (I love this one)

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit!) probably lived in the Cesarean part of Rome

Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport.(Irrefutable!)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like tiny
umbrellas.

Q. Use the word ‘judicious’ in a sentence to show you understand its
meaning.
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)

Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight. (Brilliant)

 

Here’s the way it should be and is definitely NOT!

Let’s put the seniors in jail and the criminals in nursing homes.

This would correct two things in one motion:
Seniors would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.

They would receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical
treatment, wheel chairs, etc.

They would receive money instead of having to pay it out.

They would have constant video monitoring, so they would be helped instantly
if they fell or needed assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice a week and all clothing would be ironed and
returned to them.

A guard would check on them every 20 minutes.

All meals and snacks would be brought to them

They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.

They would have access to a library, weight/fitness room, spiritual
counseling, a pool and education…and free admission to in-house concerts
by nationally recognized entertainment artists.

Simple clothing – i.e., shoes, slippers, pj’s – and legal aid would be free,
upon request.

There would be private, secure rooms provided for all with an outdoor
exercise yard complete with gardens.

Each senior would have a P.C., T.V., phone and radio in their room at no
cost.

They would receive daily phone calls.

There would be a board of directors to hear any complaints and the ACLU
would fight for their rights and protection.

The guards would have a code of conduct to be strictly adhered to, with
attorneys available, at no charge to protect the seniors and their families
from abuse or neglect.

As for the criminals:

They would receive cold food.

They would be left alone and unsupervised.

They would receive showers once a week.

They would live in tiny rooms, for which they would have to pay $5,000 per
month.

They would have no hope of ever getting out.

"Sounds like justice to me! WHAT IS WRONG WITH OUR COUNTRY THAT THOSE WHO BREAK THE LAW, BEND THE LAW, IGNORE THE LAW, STEAL FROM OUR COUNTRY (SUCH AS IN CONGRESS BIG SURPRISE!), AND TRAMPLE THE RIGHTS OF THE MAJORITY ARE REWARDED!

Charley Reese has been a journalist for 49 years.

545 PEOPLE — By Charlie Reese

Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then
campaign against them.

Have you ever wondered, if both the Democrats and the Republicans are
against deficits, WHY do we have deficits?

Have you ever wondered, if all the politicians are against inflation and
high taxes, WHY do we have inflation and high taxes?

You and I don’t propose a federal budget. The president does.

You and I don’t have the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations.
The House of Representatives does.

You and I don’t write the tax code, Congress does.

You and I don’t set fiscal policy, Congress does.

You and I don’t control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank does.

One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one president, and nine Supreme Court
justices equates to 545 human beings out of the 300 million are directly,
legally, morally, and individually responsible for the domestic problems
that plague this country.

I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board because that problem was
created by the Congress. In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty
to provide a sound currency to a federally chartered, but private, central
bank.

I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason. They
have no legal authority. They have no ability to coerce a senator, a
congressman, or a president to do one cotton-picking thing. I don’t care if
they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash. The politician has the
power to accept or reject it. No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is
the legislator’s responsibility to determine how he votes.

Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what
they did is not their fault. They cooperate in this common con regardless of
party.

What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount
of gall. No normal human being would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood
up and criticized the President for creating deficits…. . The president
can only propose a budget. He cannot force the Congress to accept it.

The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole
responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving
appropriations and taxes. Who is the speaker of the House? Nancy Pelosi. She
is the leader of the majority party. She and fellow House members, not the
president, can approve any budget they want. If the president vetoes it,
they can pass it over his veto if they agree to.

It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million can not replace545
people who stand convicted — by present facts — of incompetence and
irresponsibility. I can’t think of a single domestic problem that is not
traceable directly to those 545 people. When you fully grasp the plain truth
that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must
follow that what exists is what they want to exist.

If the tax code is unfair, it’s because they want it unfair.

If the budget is in the red, it’s because they want it in the red ..

If the Army & Marines are in IRAQ , it’s because they want them in IRAQ. If
they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not
available to the people, it’s because they want it that way.

There are no insoluble government problems.

Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire
and whose jobs they can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they
can reject; to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate and from
whom they can take this power. Above all, do not let them con you into the
belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like "the economy,"
"inflation," or "politics" that prevent them from doing what they take an
oath to do.

Those 545 people, and they alone, are responsible.

They, and they alone, have the power..

They, and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their
bosses.

Provided the voters have the gumption to manage their own employees…

We should vote all of them out of office and clean up their mess!

Charlie Reese is a former columnist of the Orlando Sentinel Newspaper.

                What you do with this article now that you have read it is up to you!

WE PAY:

Sales Tax

School Tax

Liquor Tax

Luxury Tax

Excise Taxes

Property Tax

Cigarette Tax

Medicare Tax

Inventory Tax

Real Estate Tax

Well Permit Tax

Fuel Permit Tax

Inheritance Tax

Road Usage Tax

CDL license Tax

Dog License Tax

State Income Tax

Food License Tax

Vehicle Sales Tax

Gross Receipts Tax

Social Security Tax

Service Charge Tax

Fishing License Tax

Federal Income Tax

Building Permit Tax

IRS Interest Charges

Hunting License Tax

Marriage License Tax

Corporate Income Tax

Personal Property Tax

Accounts Receivable Tax

Recreational Vehicle Tax

Workers Compensation Tax

Watercraft Registration Tax

Telephone Usage Charge Tax

Telephone Federal Excise Tax

Telephone State and Local Tax

IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)

State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)

Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)

Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax

Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax

Gasoline Tax (currently 44.75 cents per gallon)

Utility Taxes Vehicle License Registration Tax

Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes

Telephone Recurring and Nonrecurring Charges Tax

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, & our nation was the most
prosperous in the world.We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest
middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What in the hell happened? Can you spell ‘politicians? ‘

I hope this goes around THE USA at least 100 times!!!

YOU can help it get there!!! Cross Post!

GO AHEAD – –

 BE AN AMERICAN!!!

 

 

      I do not like this Uncle Sam,
      I do not like his health care scam.
      I do not like these dirty crooks,
      or how they lie and cook the books.
     

      I do not  like when Congress steals,
      I do not like their secret deals.
      I do not like this speaker Nan ,
      I do not like this ‘YES, WE CAN’.
     

      I do not like this spending spree—
      I’m smart, I know that nothing’s free.
     

      I do not like your smug replies, when I
      complain about your lies. 
     

      I do not like this kind of hope.
      I do not  like it. nope, nope, nope!

     

 

Go green – recycle Congress in2010!

All I can say is throw the bums out this election.  Send a message to Congress as in the movie Wall Street:  “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!” No more pork barrel politics, no more corrupt politicians getting wealthy on our backs, no more sex or any other scandals, no more crawling in bed with big corporations like BP, no difference in national health care plans for Congressmen and regular citizens, no more of the same which is breaking the back of this country.  No more of the Federal Government interfering in every aspect of our lives and no more total reliance on the Federal Government but reliance on ourselves.  Get back to what our country once stood for “In God We Trust” and in hard work we believe.

 

I don’t know about you, but I am totally thoroughly outraged about our precious Gulf coast being assaulted by oil from a BP well—a well that should never have been drilled five miles under the ocean floor without safety nets in place.   I am outraged by BP’s excuses, its lies, its taking shortcuts and hoping nothing bad would happen, and its worship of the almighty dollar to feed its investors their dividends each quarter.  BP is not an American company; why is it operating off our shores. How many politicians has BP bought in order to do the deep drilling it has knowing the possible dangers to our environment and its personnel.  It is our environment, not the UK environment that is being ruined in the Gulf: our shrimp and fish, our bird life, our beaches, our tourist industry  and the livelihood of our people are all being insulted by oil.  Wasn’t Alaska enough of a wake up call ?  When will we as a nation realize that the oil industry does not have a ecological collective bone in its profit geared body.  How long has the oil industry lobbied those in Washington for its own ends and certainly not for the good of the American people.  When will we become fed up with corporate gluttony at the expense of our fragile ecosystems.  Stop buying BP.  Let it feel the results of their greed in their pocketbook as money is all that matters to BP and every other oil company.  Our last president was part of the oil industry and his presidency showed his partiality. Our present president needs to take charge and take charge now without giving BP any benefit of the doubt.  I believe so much is being kept from public knowledge about this whole horrible situation.  Start rattling the cages of legislators to do a thorough, unbiased investigation and stop buying gas from BP!!!

Once again, one of my friends sent me this “politically incorrect” gem which I just had to pass

this on as it is so truthful.

                  
Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients
to operate on.

The first surgeon, from New York, says, “I like to see  accountants on my
operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is
numbered.”
 
The second, from Chicago, responds,”Yeah, but you should
try  electricians!   Everything inside them is color coded.”

The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, “No, I really think
librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order”

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles, chimes
in: “You know, I like  construction workers…Those guys always understand
when you have a few  parts left over.”
 
But the fifth surgeon, from  Washington, DC shut them
all up when he observed: “You’re all wrong.   Politicians are the easiest to
operate on.  There’s no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains
and no spine, and the head  and the ass are interchangeable.”

 

If only, our country would listen!!!

                                                                                                           

 

  As the late Adrian Rogers said, “You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.”

 

An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had recently failed an entire class.  That class had insisted that Obama’s socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.

The professor then said, “OK, we will have an experiment in this class on Obama’s plan”. All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A.

After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy.

As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little.

The second test average was a D!   No one was happy.

When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.

The scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else. All failed, to their great surprise, and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great, but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed.

Could not be any simpler than that. (Please pass this on.)

Remember, there is a mid-term election in 2010!

 

And . . . Pass this one on!!!

 

You gotta watch this:  Ain’t it the truth!!!

Buy, Buy,America Buy 

   
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vq8wbXAR4ZQ&feature=sdig&et=125%208252932.02

 

 

 

 

A Canadian friend of mine sent me this.   I love it!!!   It would certainly not be considered politically correct, but warning to all:  my new year’s resolution is to drop all pretense of political correctness as our country is drowning in it!  I wish we could turn back the clock and as a country return to moral and ethical correctness. 

A lady Canadian libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the government,
complaining about the treatment of  captive insurgents (terrorists) being held in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities. She received back the following reply:

National Defence Headquarters
Maj.Gen George R. Pearkes Bldg, 15 NT
101 Colonel By Drive
Ottawa , ON K1A 0K2 Canada

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letter expressing your profound concern of treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists captured by Canadian Forces who were subsequently transferred to the Afghanistan Government and are currently being held by Afghan officials in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.

Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinions were heard loud and clear here in Ottawa. You will be pleased to learn, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself; we are creating a new department here at the Department of National Defense, to be called ‘Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers’ program, or L.A.R.K. for short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to divert one terrorist and place him in your personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and is scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence in Toronto next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers.. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommend in your letter.

Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his ‘attitudinal problem’ will help him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually) since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire. I’m sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka over time. Just remember that it is all part of ‘respecting his culture and religious beliefs’ as described in your letter.

Thanks again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for our fellow man You take good care of Ahmed and remember, we’ll be watching. Good luck and God bless you.

Cordially,
Gordon O’Connor
Minister of National Defense

 

No, not the wonderful poem with the line “Tyger, Tyger Burning Bright” (if I remember correctly the poem was by Blake–someone please correct me if I am wrong as I am too lazy and tired to look it up), but our own Tiger who has gotten out of his cage. I don’t think that it would matter quite so much if he had not projected the picture of morality and respectful son and husband for so long. He was a hero and an example to kids especially minority kids who could dream of playing golf and being accepted in a game long dominated by whites in country club settings where African Americans were not always welcome. Tiger broke down barriers and was helping to make golf accessible to all. I thought he had real character, but I was so wrong.  I believe that more than many other athletes and celebrities and their bad boy antics, he had the responsibility to lead by example just as our President, also breaking the race barrier, seems to be doing.  Maybe I held Tiger in too much esteem as I began to watch golf on television because of him; I followed his career, watched him play, and admired him for the work he was doing for our youth by founding centers to help teach those not successful in school.  I am very, very disappointed that he has now joined the ranks of our “bad boy” athletes and celebrities who do not pay attention to whom they hurt when they cross the line of behaving correctly; his behavior may not stop his career or change the attitude of those who wish to ignore his morality and separate it totally from his sports career, but there are many of us who are very saddened by the fact that one more respected athlete or celebrity has joined the ranks of  those who feel that they are entitled to do whatever the hell they want without any regard for the chances they had to be sterling examples of public figures, who despite all the temptations of fame and money, choose to live their lives above reproach. I really do not wish to judge; but his apparent lack of character speaks for itself. I do not know who wrote the following; I just wish it had been me:

 Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house
    Tiger Woods came a flyin’, chased by his spouse..
    She wielded a nine iron and wasn’t too merry,
    Cause a bimbo’s phone number was in his Blackberry.
    He’d been cheatin’ on Elin, and the story progressed.
    Woman after woman stepped up and confessed.
    He’d been cheatin’ with Holly, and Jaimee, and Cori,
    With Joselyn, and Kalika. The world had the story.
    From the top of the Tour to the basement of blues,

Tiger’s sad sordid tale was all over the news.
    With hostesses, waitresses, he had lots of sex,
    When not in their pants, he was sendin’ them texts.
    And I heard her exclaim from her white Escalade,
    “If you’re gettin’ laid then I’m gettin’ paid.”
    Despite all his cryin’ and beggin’ and pleadin’,
    Tiger’s wife went investin’ — a new home in Sweden.   
    She’s not pouting, in fact, she is of jolly good cheer,
    Her pre nup made Christmas come early this year.